Intentional Insanity

My sanity hangs above me
It mocks me
With it's sarcastic remarks
It hurts me
I hurt myself
I cannot help it
I don't want to see it
I will not admit it
You
Am I stupid for doing so?
Regardless of which
Way I am to go

My sanity hangs above me
It does not want to be with me
I do not want to be without it
Yet can I please just not?
You doubt it?
I do not
Nor do I believe it
But I can think it
And all will be fine
I will be fine

My sanity hangs above me
It curses and spits at me
Is this for real?
Am I for real?
Could this possibly be
Another fictitious story?
Let it not be
An unremembered
Memory
Lost in time
Forgotten in mind
Never to be mine

My sanity hangs above me
It smiles a wicked smile upon me
I am relieved
But not content
I cannot free
This heart's torment
The fear it has
Consumed me whole
My will is gone
And I am old
Too old
So old

My sanity hangs above me
It holds me in it's entire glory
Is this the end
The finish
The finale?
My numb and dumb
Mind leading astray?
I cannot think
Have never thought
Will never know
But I need to know
Yet my mind is slow

My sanity hangs me above
All that is me
All that I am afraid to see
All that I do not want to ever be
All that was and will become of me.....

1999